LIMUHAG
DISCUSSION
In the memoir, there was a question, "Why write in English when most Filipinos use it only when they have to?"
My question would be: Aside from the reason that the English language could reach a broader scope of audience and works written in English have an advantage in the industry, why do you think most writers stray away from using their language or mother tongue in writing and choose English as the language in writing their work?
Most subjects taught in school are in English which I think is one of the many reasons we get intimidated writing in our language or mother tongue that we're supposed to be comfortable with. As an experienced writer, like Sir John, I would want to hear his opinion regarding this matter.
Based on the lecture video, I discovered that members of the family are the usual source of our core memories which most probably bear issues that are not easy to recall or discuss in the memoir itself, and I took note of that idea.
While I was reading Sir John’s memoir, I remembered the lesson I took note of from the lecture video when I came across a scene where the narrator was talking with the father through a phone call, involving the narrator’s sexual orientation and gender identity in the conversation. In that same scene also, the father’s response was included and revealed to the readers. Thus, I think the question I would like to ask is, “Did you ever think of asking permission from your father when you thought of including him and that specific memory in your memoir? If so, were you able to do it and how?” I reckoned that this set of questions is important because the said part in the memoir at least carried and presented a family issue in which the father is involved, and that he might not be ready to share it yet to a wider audience, specifically the readers of the memoir.
Yet, even if the author did not ask permission from the father about that part, I think the memory was handled well in the memoir since it was presented as a scene and not really as an issue, which I think is brilliant.
After reading Sir John’s memoir, a question that I would like to ask him is: How do you approach the process of writing and portraying other people, both those close to you or not, in your memoirs? And how is the process of portraying them differ from one particular person to another?
I’d ask him this question because it has become apparent to me that the concept of family and personal connections seems to be so deeply intertwined with the nature of the memoir as a literary form. After all, a memoir is a telling of a significant personal experience, and we are never really alone when we experience growth or change. I’d like to know whether these relationships and affiliations are something he pays great attention to when incorporating them into his memoir, or if it even bothers him to some degree as he goes about his work.
‘Outside’ features many different real-life people and I wonder if Sir John had any trouble in trying to portray all these people and their stories, or if he had hesitated or reconsidered how he should describe or make them act and speak in his text. This aspect of the memoir is something that I am fascinated and intrigued by and I’d love to hear what a seasoned writer has to say regarding this matter.
Allito
If I could ask sir Bengan one question about his memoir, it would be "Before writing the memoir, what are the agencies you considered to impose in order for your narrative to appear orderly?"
I wanted to ask this question because I think that writing a memoir requires a lot of considerations given the fact that he doesn't only involves himself in it but also other people. Moreover, I learned from the lecture that knowing your agencies, helps in achieving the purpose of writing a memoir.
The subject of the main character's sexuality is acutely mentioned in the memoir as the memoir talks not only about the experiences 'outside' but also with his coming to terms with his family and his sexuality. With this, I would like to ask Sir John how did he filter emotions given the weight of the matter about sexuality and how did he navigate around the risk of upsetting someone based on how they are presented in a memoir.
Allow me first to start with how I like Sir's memoir and the way he structured and designed it that tells us everything while also writing none of those. He knows when to give information and when to show scenes which coalesce into a unified theme of foreignness of identity in an unfamiliar land. I think the highlight of this theme would be his introspection about Jose Garcia Villa and his conversation with Neal. Sir brings out a gun and fires it later on which I really like and something I always look for in a literary text.
Since this is not an analysis, I would save my observations to myself. But if I have to ask Sir John one question about his memoir, it would be how he found his own voice and identity in his writing. At some point in our life, we find ourselves out of place and lost and this could sometimes translate into our own writing. I always hear and read in movies and books how a writer should develop his own recognizable voice amongst a crowd.
In Sir's memoir, feeling out of place in a new place is quite prominent and is a recurring motif but his voice remained steady. With that being said, what is a voice exactly? What is a writer's voice? Is it their unique narrative style? Is it the honesty in their text? What is it? Because they say if an author hasn't found their voice yet, the truth of their story won't come out and that is something the readers want from you: the truth.
Additionally, at what point would you say that you have found your identity and voice in your writing journey? Is it just a matter of introspection? Satisfaction? Feedback from an editor? They say you just have to be honest in your writing but I still feel like it's still not working. Is there something I'm missing? Do I have to go on a journey of self-reflection? Am I overthinking things?
Upon reading sir John's essay, I was really intrigued with what he found wrong about the cinnamon.
But on a more serious note, I want to ask him how he was able to control the emotions he had recalled in his scenes so well. How did he get to that sweet spot that prevented his essay from being a soppy vent without it sounding like a cold recollection?
I want to ask this because in my previous encounter of writing a memoir in the 12th grade, I felt like I had written a big trauma dump. I was in a constant battle with myself on which emotions to leave out and which to keep in the essay since I had trouble suppressing such pain in my scenes. Aside from that, I'd like to ask if there is harm in "zooming into" the memory closely?
I also have a pretty far out of sir John's essay question that I'm really curious about. On an instance that a person suffering from PSTD writes a memoir, how much can that person trust her own memory when that person suffers from memory loss/fragmented memories? How can that person have credibility and a "narrative order" in their essay if they have disjointed memories of their traumas?
Upon learning about memoirs, we were taught that it is something that bears witness. I really like the word "witness" as it also tells us that writing a memoir holds not only the sharing of one's understanding about what they had experienced but is all about truths. Indeed it's like being on the outside, naked thus, is taking up a lot of courage.
I really admired Sir John Bengan's memoir, "Outside," as the subjects are rendered in scenes; everything is clear, and events (even the feelings) about being outside are creatively connected. Upon reading, what catches my attention is the question mentioned after seeing Jose Garcia Villa in a magazine wherein the editors weren't able to identify him, "Is this what we aspire to become, we who write in this language?" and such question even connects with what had happened during the workshop wherein a participant commented about how including a native language (of the Filipinos) cheapens the writings, when in fact it does not, who do we really please? In connection to this, these are the things that I wanted to ask: "In writing this memoir, who were the audiences that have you considered prioritizing as your readers despite that this is written in English? Was it those people on the outside who were encountering new people or those people in your home? And considering this question, does it affect your voice in your writing style?" I am asking these questions because of curiosity about whether an author should or is obliged to make an adjustment about including the native language in their writings or not, given that they should also consider that foreign people can read their piece.
I think that all types of memory mentioned in the lecture are in Sir John’s memoir. The earliest memory manifests during his arrival in New York, his unfamiliarity in the place and its people. It starts with a slow-paced introduction of his new chapter in life. Also in this part, he points out subjects that will soon be expanded in the later part of the story: homosexuality and prejudice or belittlement regarding nationalities, or should I say xenophobia. Then, there is also the metaphorical memory which is strongly exhibited, in my opinion, in his experiences from his class workshops. The memoir portrays his workshop experiences through particular situations that they seem to be alive; the memories are as if playing on a screen, they are vivid and powerful images. Bengan reveals his pride during this moment, which I admire. He knows there is nothing wrong in his localized terms, and that the readers are supposed to understand this. Moreover, what I like the most is the portrayal of muscle and sense memory in the last paragraph, "Warm," I tell him. "Really warm." I truly think that Bengan's use of the three types of memory helps in showing how these are advantageous for nonfiction.
Now, my question is somehow in regards to his memories. My question goes: Considering that you spent nearly two years in New York, of course in that time you had a multitude of memories or experiences, how were you able to choose the certain memories to tell?
In the lecture video, when Ma’am Jho talked about the time when her daughter experienced having one of her essays as a part of the discussion in her daughter’s class, I also realized that this is one of my main concerns whenever I think of writing a memoir. What if my writing affects the relationship that I have with the people around me? How will this affect them? Will this fear, risk, or possibility affect the way I write my memoir? What do I do with it? That specific part of the discussion got me thinking of all the things that terrify me when writing something personal such as a memoir.
Hence, if there is a question that I would like to ask to Sir John about his memoir entitled the Outside, it is this: How did he manage to negotiate between the need and desire to tell his truth and the possibility that it might affect not only the people present in the memoir but also the people connected to him and his relationship with them?
I tend to trauma-dump on my creative works a lot, but I always found myself making alterations to some details that I felt were not acceptable to other people’s morals and beliefs or too embarrassing for me to admit to myself. But I realized that I must own my side of the story and not control the narrative. I must come to terms with my truth.
On Sir John Bengan's short memoir, "Outside," I was able to peek into a portion of a life of a writer; a life which I had always been unsure of and curious about. I was also able to feel the frustration of a Filipino writer who writes in English and cast doubt on what the point of learning how to write in English really is. I personally don't write to glorify the English Language, but I wondered how it would've been if I learned writing in my mother tongue. Also in the memoir, the author shared a piece of very personal information about himself, which I felt like I was not supposed to know. With that, I would like to ask the author how he has come to terms with sharing his own private information for strangers to read. How was the journey like before finally becoming comfortable with a writer's own truth? Are writers forced to become open books for them to create a masterpiece?
Writing a memoir for me is a scary thing not only because you show a part of yourself but also you can also get judged by the people around you whether that be the people you know or not. By reading the sir John's memoir, it made me realize that not only you are showing yourself but also other people to as they feature into your life too, like Gia, for example. So, my question is: Sir, how are you able to overcome this fear?
The question I would like to ask sir John is: Given one of the themes of the memoir about feeling disconnected and not fully accepted, were you ever scared for some characters mentioned in the text to really find out how they made you feel?
I wanted to ask this question because although it was already mentioned in the lecture about having to be courageous to be able to write this form, I feel that this form does not just strip yourself down but also other people around you. The work by Sir Bengan in one of the scenes portrayed his father who asked one simple question that had big enough effect on the writer to really ponder and write about it. And although the experience is for the writer to share, it makes me question the effect of this act of sharing these stories to the relationship that a writer has with other people. In the process of stripping himself down, he had also shown his father's inability to accept a big part of his identity which could be interpreted as a form of homophobia. I understand that this might be a risk that writers must be willing to take to write this form, but it makes me wonder about the thoughts and feelings the writer has when they are about the share their works.
In the memoir, there was a part that mentioned the question "how much of this is my problem, how much is my reader's inability to comprehend?"
My question is: how can a writer balance this demand for 'more' from audiences who are foreign to the culture surrounding the work, and at the same time, not over explaining the things that need not much explaining for audiences who share the same cultures as the writer?
I have encountered this same dilemma during my previous workshops where a professor once asked me why I thought there was a need to include some details when people (characters) don't normally take notice of the common things they see. I wanted to provide clarity for readers but I must also treat the character like a real person in my writing. As writers, how do we maneuver our way around this dilemma?
In the lecture, I was particularly intrigued by William Zinsser’s quote that said, “Good memoirs are a careful act of construction…” in other words, writing orderly despite what happened. For me, this implies that memory, which is the foundation of memoir, is tricky and sometimes unreliable (like mine).
With this, I would like to ask sir John this question about his memoir Outside: How did you construct the dialogues for the people in your essay? I would like to ask this question because I think that dialogues seemed to have a different level of accuracy in comparison with memories written in descriptions and details. I am apprehensive with the thought of having the person depicted in the essay reading their lines say, “I didn’t say this thing” or “I don’t talk like this”. So how do you write those dialogues just by memory?
If I had the opportunity, I would ask him, "What are the challenges do you have when you were studying as a writer in New York, especially if you want to write works about the Philippines?" One of the experiences in the memoir caught my attention, which showcase the different perspectives of Philippine-American History, in which we had always known that we were colonized by the Americans, yet they didn't know. Perhaps it was deliberately omitted in their history books or they didn't consider their arrival to the Philippines as 'colonization'. I would like to know more about how does Filipino writer adapts to this new environment in which they have to explicate foreign information as if we are treating readers as ignorant or oblivious that a country like the Philippines exists.
If I were to ask Bengan a question about his memoir, it would be something about his experiences living on the “outside." In his two-year stay in New York, he was able to capture great details in his writing, specifically the nuances of the issues around the city and going through the bigger picture of the story. In particular, I would ask him regarding the criteria did he dwell while writing his memoir on selecting details.
For this one, I won't ask him about the details or story he discarded in his memoir for I respect the writer’s agency in screening or censoring events that he deemed maybe too personal. Instead, I would ask him about these available details and the reason why he picked them in this memoir to be written.
As an aspirant writer, I would like to know about his feeling on these selected details he put into words and order. There are many choices to pick what to include and you just have to narrow it down into significant detail that you think is relevant to your writing. And in relevance - be it good or a traumatizing memory - asking Bengan how he feels about them could mean a difference between his authority as a writer in sacrificing or censoring a detail and writing about himself vulnerably to the readers.
After reading Sir John's memoir, I was wondering how he coped in that foreign place, especially with how there are people in that country who somewhat “questions” our capacity or command in using their language?
This question was my first thought after reading the memoir mainly because of the parts when his peers during the workshop asked about how Filipinos use the English language and when Neal said that he thought Sir John have a regional accent.
THE MEMOIR
The students were asked to read the work of Mr. John Bengan titled "Outside", watch Prof. Cruz' lecture on The Memoir, and were also given the PowerPoint to the said lecture. After which, the discussion on the board revolved around the questions: "If you could ask Mr. Bengan one question about his memoir, what would it be? Why?"
The reading of Mr. John Bengan's work "Ang Mga Bulak sa Pagka-batanon," a translation of Tita Lacambra-Ayala's poem entitled "The Flowers of Youth", is available on this Youtube link. The reading was performed last March 23, 2019 at Suazo Bar, Davao during the LitOrgy: Asterisks in Bloom.
Photo Reference by Trends IIT